Decisions, decisions…
I was talking with a friend recently. She was sharing with me confidentially that she and her husband had just made the decision not to have children. It took them years of thoughtful conversation together, as well as individual personal work, to come to this important conclusion. They love the life they have together— just the two of them— and don’t want to change their dynamic. They also have meaningful careers they want to advance in. Not to mention that neither of them ever saw themselves as parents.
But my friend didn’t know how she was going to explain this decision to others and was dreading the conversations.
When I asked why she felt she needed to justify this to anyone, she emotionally shared her list of reasons: “My in-laws are expecting grandchildren. My mom is hoping I have kids soon so they can grow up with my brother’s kids and be similar in age. All my friends have kids. Having kids is expected of us, and I imagine our decision will be disappointing to many. I also worry that they’ll think we are being selfish. I can already hear their advice:
You don’t know until you have children what a blessing they will be.
We all felt that way at some point, until we had our own kids and it changed everything.
No one is ever ready to have kids, but you two will figure it out.
How can you have a fulfilling life without children?
At some point you’ll be older— who will take care of you?”
I could feel my friend’s pain. And I started thinking about the decisions we make, what (and who) we take into consideration when we make them, and how hard it can be to reach a final decision. Even then, with all our conviction mustered up, we still worry about what people will think of us.
Maybe you have a romantic relationship you want to end, but you aren’t sure how to break the news to your family. Maybe you want to quit your great-paying job to reduce stress and live a simpler life— but you worry you won’t be able to keep up with your friends anymore… so you just keep working.
Is there a decision you are stuck trying to make? Are you worried about other people's’ opinions? Do you sometimes let other people’s feedback carry more weight than you should?
I know I do.
I’ve been debating what to do about Wednesday Wisdom. I started these weekly emails in April of 2020 in the beginning of the pandemic. My original goal was to bring positive messages and resources to you during a time when the morning and evening news offered only uncertainty, panic and fear. I wanted to weed through all of that and find stories of hope and inspiration.
This week marks my 100th Wednesday Wisdom.
And life isn’t as doom-and-gloom as it was 100 weeks ago. That’s why I have made the decision to bring Wednesday Wisdom to you on the first Wednesday of the month moving forward. Same concept, same intention, just once a month instead of once a week. I’ve also decided to take the best of the Wednesday Wisdom stories to create a new book. The goal is to have it published by the end of 2022 and turn those emails into something more permanent and tangible.
Is there a decision you’ve been intending to make, but are still waiting for the “right time” to commit to it?
Consider that the right time is right now.
This Week’s Resources
If You Are Wondering How to Be ‘Perfect’
You must read Michael Schur’s book: https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Perfect-Correct-Question/dp/1982159316 If you don’t instantly recognize his name, you’ll certainly recognize the shows he’s created like The Good Place and Parks and Recreation. In this book, Schur offers a hilarious, thought-provoking guide to living an ethical life, drawing on 2,400 years of deep thinking from around the world. The audio book also features some famous and funny people you’ll know.
Weighing the Pros & Cons
Trying to make a decision but feeling stuck weighing your options? I always keep this pad of paper on my desk when I need to sort through my ideas: https://www.amazon.com/Pad-Pro-Knock/dp/160106196X/ref=pd_lpo_2?pd_rd_i=160106196X&psc=1
Blasts From the Past
If you missed any of the Wednesday Wisdom stories from the past, you can find 60 of them here on our website: https://www.jamrog.group/wisdom And thank you for your loyal reading over the past 99 weeks!
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