Lowering Our Expectations
Last fall at a charity auction, I was the winner of a family portrait session. Perfect! This was something I had been wanting to get for my mom for years. Needless to say I was thrilled I won the package. Not only did it include a framed portrait, but it also included a trip to Portsmouth, New Hampshire to the photography studio, along with an overnight stay at a nice hotel. I thought we could make a fun family weekend of it all.
Having been to that hotel before, I knew the trip was going to be great. The hotel sits along the water in a quaint New England town. The restaurants there are fun and hip, and everything is within walking distance. Even the lobby bar is a trendy place to hang out.
I had really enjoyed the trip the last time I had been there. I talked up the adventure with the family, told them about my favorite Mexican and BBQ restaurants, and rallied my mom, sister, niece, and son for an April road trip.
On a sunny Saturday, we piled into my sister Nicki’s minivan. Everyone had their overnight bags packed. My partner Kim sent us on our way with a batch of homemade oatmeal cookies, as well as a couple bags of tortilla chips and salsa in case we needed any snacks.
The ride took three hours. The photo shoot took two more. So far, it was a total success…
Everyone was in great spirits as we headed to the hotel to check in and get some dinner. As we pulled into the parking lot, I asked my son Charlie to check the sign by the parking meter. “All good,” he says, “Free parking… Saturday and Sunday.” We parked, grabbed our belongings, and headed into the hotel lobby.
The last time I had been to this place, it was winter. The lobby then was toasty and quiet with a fire burning in the big fireplace.
But on this trip in April, the place was very noisy and jam-packed with people, including a bride and her sash-wearing bridesmaids. Turns out, there was not just one, but two weddings happening at our hotel that weekend. I immediately felt disappointed by the loud and bustling vibe.
After checking into our rooms, I guided my hungry family next door to the delicious Mexican restaurant. Unfortunately, many of the wedding guests were already booked for a pre-party and there was going to be zero availability for 90 minutes.
I quickly opened my Open Table app and found a reservation at a nearby BBQ restaurant. We walked four blocks. Online, the menu featured three pages of incredible meals, creative side dishes and several seasonal salads. In person, however, we were each handed a piece of paper by the hostess. At the top of the page was the word “Menu,” followed by a typed apology for their abbreviated meal choices, lack of kitchen staff, and inadequate number of waitresses.
Instead of three pages of food, they had literally four items to choose from. There was no kids menu. There were no side dishes, no vegetarian options, and— wait for it—no salads. They had no vegetables. The kitchen, according to the hostess, had forgotten to place a lettuce order. The only options were a plate of brisket, wings, or pulled pork egg rolls. And French fries.
Disappointed and now even hungrier, we opted to return to our hotel’s rooftop restaurant for some better, healthier food. We retraced our steps four blocks back.
Unfortunately, the rooftop restaurant was so busy, there were no reservations for the rest of the night. The hostess suggested we go back downstairs to the lobby bar and order takeout from the rooftop— and they would gladly deliver it downstairs to us.
With minimal energy left, the five of us shuffled back to the elevator and headed to the lobby bar. The lobby was completely empty, and the bar had a “closed” sign hand-written on a piece of paper. I inquired at the front desk. They were very sorry to share that the bartender’s grandfather had passed away unexpectedly, prompting her to leave early. The bar, they assured me, would reopen tomorrow at 7pm. But we would not be able to sit there tonight.
I was so disappointed. Not only was place nothing like I had experienced the last time, but it was also nothing that I had promised my family. It was not at all what I had expected.
Defeated and still hungry, we decided to go up to our rooms, put on pajamas, and call it a night. That’s when I remembered the oatmeal cookies and chips and salsa that Kim had packed “just in case.” We divided the snacks among the five of us and made the best of it. I reminded everyone: at least our hotel has a top-notch breakfast buffet…
In the morning, we found out that there was only one waiter for the entire restaurant, and that the breakfast buffet was apologetically “light” due to significant staff shortage: no omelet bar, no bacon, no chef specials like they usually have. Toast with coffee was the best we could hope for.
We decided to head home earlier than planned.
We packed up our few belongings from our respective rooms, checked out, and brought our bags to the car. That’s when my niece spotted a $35 parking ticket on the windshield of Nicki’s minivan. Turns out, my son had read the meter too quickly. It actually said, “Free Parking during week, must pay on Saturdays and Sundays.”
I could not help but laugh. I understandably could have chosen to be angry, disappointed, and regret the trip altogether. (All those choices did cross my mind.)
Or I could be willing to pause, regroup, and simply lower my expectations. In the parking lot in that very moment, I put the $35 ticket in my purse and reset my expectations for the rest of the trip.
The ride home was filled with laughs and jokes about the hotel. The disappointing breakfast was overshadowed by a spontaneous stop at a Pizza Hut on the way home. A gooey, delicious cheese pizza was enjoyed by all of us in the minivan. We made a stop at the Kittery Trading Post and Nana bought everyone candy and treats. We cranked up fun songs and sang along together on the highway. Even the 21-year-old got along with the 9-year-old all the way home.
Six weeks later, Mom’s family portrait arrived in the mail— just in time for Mother’s Day. She commented about not only about how much she loved the gift, but also how much she loved our trip together. In her mind— despite the understaffed hotel and our hungry bellies— the experience was still special. My son agreed, “We should do that again sometime.”
The next time you make a plan and it doesn’t go as expected, take a moment before you decide what to do next. How will you react? Be angry? Get annoyed at a restaurant for not having any salads? Or pause, take a deep breath, and adjust your expectations?
Keep in mind, this is not about lowering your standards— just about lowering your expectations in that moment.
Sometimes we have to lower the bar and realize we can enjoy an experience even if it doesn’t live up to our original plan. With patience and perspective, we can all find gratitude and grace in any situation.
—You know I had to include the final portrait!
This Week’s Resources
Find Your Audience
A friend was recently sharing a story about her retired Dad. Lenny is a musician and was really looking forward to having time in retirement to play at open mic nights at some of the local bars in town. Much to his disappointment, the “local kids” didn’t seem very interested in his music or any of the oldies he was playing at the bars and pubs. My friend suggested to her dad that he look into playing at local senior centers instead. Lenny took his daughter’s advice. Not only were the audiences at the Senior Centers appreciative of Lenny’s talent, but they also loved his music and knew all the words to the oldies he played. He’s become a bit of a local celebrity among his peers! Think of this story as a reminder to know your audience and to match your skills and talents with people who will appreciate you.
Sleep is the Most Important of All
We all know that having enough sleep at night is important to our overall health. But do you know the science of why? In his book Why We Sleep, Matthew Walker spells it all out for you. After reading this book, you may rethink your evening and morning routines! why we sleep
Making Sure You Know About 988
In the state of Massachusetts, there is a new suicide prevention and crisis hotline that can be accessed by dialing 988 (similar to 911, but this line is staffed with people specifically trained for this type of crisis). It’s an incredible resource in our state: https://www.mass.gov/988-suicide-and-crisis-lifeline I’d encourage you to check your own state to see if something similar exists— and be sure to share it with the community of people you love.
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