Seek to Understand
Thank you for reading this Wednesday Wisdom with an open heart.
My niece BB and I were painting rocks together last week. You can see the photo of our artwork above. She particularly liked my rainbow rock and told me I should put it on my front steps for Pride Month. I asked her what she knew about it. BB shared with me that she had recently joined the Pride Committee at her school. They ‘re preparing activities for students in the hopes that more kids will learn what Pride Month is all about. When I asked her what Pride Month means to her— a nine year old— BB said quite confidently, “Pride means people can love who they love, just like you and Auntie Kimmy. It means people can choose to use whatever pronouns they feel comfortable with. And you can be straight or gay or transgender. It doesn’t matter, we just need to accept people the way they are.”
At age nine, her interpretation of Pride Month is about kindness. And how incredible that her school is putting in a special effort to teach lessons of understanding and acceptance for their community.
I’ve been thinking about Pride Month (which kicks off today) and what it means.
I brought it up with my colleague Bailey. She told me about something that had just happened with her eight year old daughter Mila. Mila is in second grade, and last week her class had a substitute teacher— a transgender woman. This was a new experience for her daughter who understandably came home with some questions. Mila asked her mom if it was “okay” for a teacher to look kind of like a man, but also wear makeup? Bailey answered her daughter’s questions thoughtfully, Mila seemed satisfied with her answers, and Bailey assumed that was the end of the conversation. But it wasn’t…
On Friday, Bailey received an email from the substitute teacher. Apparently Mila approached the teacher to let her know that she thought her makeup looked beautiful. The teacher emailed Bailey to let her know what a kind and accepting daughter she has— and that it meant the world to receive such a compliment, especially from a child.
If 8 and 9 year old kids can ask questions, seek to understand, and ultimately choose to show kindness—doesn’t it seem like we as adults could do this more often too?
You may be asking, “Does this really matter? Is this really necessary?”
Does it matter on a Zoom call when the moderator updates his name to include him/his pronouns, even though most people on the call know he identifies as male? It might not matter to you, but for the one gender-non-conforming colleague on that Zoom call to suddenly feel comfortable adding they/them next to their own name for the first time ever— yes, you bet it matters.
I recently overheard a man at a conference ask his colleagues if they thought Pride Month should be a thing. “I mean, is it really necessary? To carve a whole month out for gay people to wave their flags and show their pride?” A black man in the group responded instantly: “Well bro, you might ask the same thing about Juneteenth, and I’ll tell you that acknowledging June 19th really matters for me and my family. I imagine Pride Month gives the same kind of acknowledgement to gay people.”
If these stories spark interest and you find yourself nodding in agreement, keep reading.
And if these stories are uncomfortable for you, I encourage you to keep reading as well.
You may not feel any connection to this subject. I get it. You may have zero reason for celebrating Pride Month. Totally understandable. But be aware that there is a pretty good chance this topic will hit home for you someday. It is possible that your child, or a friend, or your coworker, might someday come out to you. And how you react could make a profound difference for them— positive or negative. You get to choose.
I’m writing today about Pride to help bring awareness to the topic— and possibly to help you be more prepared for the moment if someone starts this conversation with you. Your kindness and acceptance will matter. I promise you.
This is exactly what happened to my friend last year. He called me and sounded upset.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I need your help. My daughter just told us she is gay. I’m not sure I handled it very well.” My friend paused. He stumbled over his words a bit. “I mean, I definitely told her that we love her and that we are always going to be here to support her… But I still feel like I should have said something else. Something better. Honestly, I wasn’t prepared for this.”
This past year has been quite a journey— not only for his daughter— but for their whole family. They’ve gotten more comfortable, asked more questions, and learned to be even more open-minded than they already were— all in an effort to better understand and support their daughter. They were seeking to understand. Believe me when I tell you that this family exudes support, love and pride. And not surprising, their daughter is thriving as a result.
How we treat people is a choice. I am not writing today to judge you for your beliefs. I am simply asking you to pause, think, and choose your words and reactions carefully. And that we all try a little harder. Referring to someone with their new pronouns they/them takes some extra effort. Let’s make that effort.
At some point, someone may choose to share their vulnerable, life-changing news with you. Your reaction to their announcement can make a profound difference in their self-esteem and confidence. What if you used this reminder and took this very moment— well in advance— to prepare for how you’ll react to that person in the future?
Today marks the beginning of Pride Month. Many of us who are members of the LGBTQ+ community will be taking the time to celebrate our relationships, our ability to get married legally in this country, and how far we have come. Pride parades have been canceled for two years— but not this year!
From the bottom of my heart, thank you in advance for respecting this month of joy. Thank you for teaching the children in your life what Pride means.
Parents, thank you for any effort you are making to raise kind and accepting kids. And here’s a special shout-out to parents of LGBTQ+ kids— you are remarkable humans raising remarkable humans.
Most of all thank you, readers— especially this month— for seeking to understand.
This Week’s Resources are in Recognition of Pride Month
The Trevor Project
The Trevor Project is an organization that offers accredited, life-saving, life-affirming programs and services to LGBTQ+ youth. They create a safe and accepting environment over the phone, online and through texting. Their services include suicide prevention and intervention. The Trevor Project saves lives. https://www.thetrevorproject.org
The ABC’s of LGBTQIA
Understanding the constantly changing terminology to describe the gay community is a challenge for many people. If you find yourself asking, what do the Q, I and A stand for, read here. This article offers a simple perspective on what each of the letters stand for and why each matters: https://mhpl.shortgrass.ca/blog/lgbtqia2s-what-does-it-all-mean
Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve
After the past two weeks of violence and tragic losses of life across our country, many people are left asking, “What can I do to let someone in need of help know that they can come talk to me?” Here’s a simple next step: Sign the Heart on Your Sleeve Pledge, post it visibly in your place of employment, organization, church, school or home, and add the heart symbol in places people will take notice: https://www.theheartonyoursleeveproject.com/
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