Something to be Proud Of
Dear Friends, thank you in advance for reading this week’s post with an open heart…
Five years ago, Kim and I were invited to go on vacation with another couple to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. It was a trip booked through Olivia Travel, which meant it was marketed only to lesbians. Olivia Travel is known for renting out an entire hotel or cruise ship to create a safe space for gay women to travel. It was our first Olivia experience. It happened to be our friends’ 19th trip.
When we arrived at the hotel, there were rainbow flags everywhere. Women of all shapes, sizes, ages and races filled the lobby.
It was instantly clear we were among the youngest people there. We were in our 40’s, and the average guest was in her mid-60’s. Aside from the couple we traveled with— also in their 40’s— we didn’t know anyone else there. This was not the case for most of the others. Everywhere we looked, there was hugging and cheering and so much joy as these women reunited for another trip together.
Over the course of the week, we had ample opportunity to talk with couples and singles enjoying the trip. Their experiences and “coming out” stories were very different from ours. In fact, many of the older women shared that these Olivia vacations were the only time they felt comfortable being together as a couple publicly. Several lived in states where their relationships were not accepted and they were not able to be out. One couple explained that although they have been together for thirty years, they live in separate houses in Alabama. Their families think they are “good friends.” They make it a priority to take Olivia trips every year so they can authentically vacation as a couple. When I asked why they don’t move somewhere else, perhaps to a more accepting part of the country, they spoke about caring for their elderly parents and other family obligations. These women—and many others—had learned to live this way. It was what they had become accustomed to over a lifetime.
I think often about that trip and the stories the women shared, especially now that it’s Pride Month. Lesbians in their 70’s and 80’s grew up in such a different time. I can only imagine how challenging and frustrating and worrisome it must have been. The same holds true, I imagine, for gay men and trans people.
Fast forward to 2021 when companies today are featuring rainbows on their products and outwardly honoring the LGBTQ+ community.
For example, if you buy a pound of Peet’s Coffee this month and use the code PRIDE at checkout, you’ll receive a specialty rainbow pin that says, “We are all human beans.” LEGO is selling an “Everyone is Awesome” set of blocks where everything is rainbow colored, even the figurines of the people. If you have Xfinity for your cable service, you can say the word Pride into your voice-activated TV remote in the month of June, and immediately be brought to a curated collection of LGBTQ+ shows, movies and documentaries. Many companies are also donating a portion of their profits to the Trevor Project* in support of Pride Month.
This is progress.
I share all of this with you for three reasons.
AWARENESS: I’m grateful to be living in a time and place where I can be me. At the same time, I know this is not true for many others in our LGBTQ+ community. There are pockets in our country where it’s uncomfortable— even unsafe— for LGBTQ+ folks to live freely. If you’re thinking “Why do we need a Pride Awareness Month?” it’s to continue to educate people who aren’t aware, to be more mindful in supporting companies who are supportive of LGBTQ+ people, and to hopefully build more Allies.
APPRECIATION: I think about the stories from women on that Olivia vacation and recognize how far we’ve come. I spoke recently with a gay male couple in their 80’s who shared what it was like to live through the AIDS crisis in the Midwest. They cannot believe they have lived long enough to see same-sex marriage be federally recognized, and teenagers able to express themselves as gay or trans and receive support right within their own schools. This, to them, is incredible.
ADVOCACY: I’ve heard many people say that the topic of Gay Pride doesn’t apply to them. Consider that it doesn’t apply to you until it does… At some point, someone you know is going to come out and possibly look to you for support. What will you do? How will you react? My suggestion: Don’t wait until it happens. Start to prepare now for that possibility. Whether it’s your own child, a family member, a friend or a colleague—there may come a time when someone will look to you and pray you are a person who’s open and accepting. Take the time now to get more educated about this subject. Ask questions. Ask gay people to share with you their coming out story. Be a friend to our community. And if you’re feeling brave, please stand up for people who cannot stand up for themselves.
That’s advocacy, and I promise you it matters.
With love,
Amy
This Week’s Resources are in Recognition of Pride Month
The Trevor Project*
The Trevor Project is an organization that offers accredited, life-saving, life-affirming programs and services to LGBTQ youth. They create a safe and accepting environment over the phone, online and through texting. Their services include suicide prevention and intervention. They save lives. https://www.thetrevorproject.org
The ABC’s of LGBTQIA
Understanding the constantly changing terminology to describe the gay community is a challenge for many people. If you find yourself asking, what do the Q, I and A stand for, read here. This article from The New York Times offers great perspective and education on what each of the letters stand for and why: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/21/style/lgbtq-gender-language.html
Why the Rainbow Flag?
The rainbow flag that represents the gay community has a fascinating story behind it. To gain a better understanding of why Sullivan's symbol is used, read this informative article: https://www.them.us/story/pride-flags-101
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