The Gift of a Lifetime

My client Joseph was approaching his 85th birthday. His wife had passed away suddenly the year before. Initially he had a tough time adjusting to living alone and having to ask others for help. Over time, he really started to build a routine and find a new groove. He figured out integrating more technology into his life to make communication easier. He upgraded his laptop and his smart phone, and was able to chat regularly with the family by emailing, texting and even hopping on an occasional Zoom call.

Most importantly, Joseph began to get very clear about his intentions. In his mid-80’s and with some new health issues emerging, he was fully aware that he no longer had the luxury of time if he wanted to get his affairs in order.

We met at his home early on during the pandemic. He wanted a visit in-person because he had important things to discuss. We both put our masks on, stayed socially distanced at separate ends of the dining room table, and kept hand sanitizer nearby. It was a weird time trying to navigate all the new changes and safety protocol while also trying to feel connected. We awkwardly did our best to follow the rules as we tackled this very important conversation.

Joseph was impressively prepared for our meeting. He had created and printed out a document outlining his end-of-life wishes. I was given a copy and asked to read it before we began our discussion. The letter outlined his assets as well as his beneficiary intentions and charitable wishes. Specifically, he wanted to leave money to three charities and gift his four grandchildren at his passing. His letter was clear, thoughtful and specific. He understood what he owned, who he cared about the most, and what his legacy would be once his wishes were carried out.

After we reviewed his letter together, he took me for a stroll around his living room. He had collectibles, a few antiques and other sentimental items he had made a list of and specified to whom they would be left. He was proud of each item and shared some fascinating background stories with me.

Our meeting was incredible.

In fact, it was one of my favorites of the past 25 years. Why? It was so meaningful. Certainly, it was important for Joseph to share his thoughts and ideas with someone “neutral.” We also reminisced about his wife, shared lots of stories, cried together, and he ultimately reached important decisions by the end of the conversation. As we were wrapping up, I had to ask: Are you sure you want to wait until you are no longer here to make these gifts? Or would you rather do this in your lifetime?

Joseph needed time to think about this, and reached back out to me several weeks later to share his conclusion. Yes, he wanted to take care of this in his lifetime. He was also inspired by the idea of writing a letter of intent to each of the grandkids.

Last month, Joseph gathered with his family on Thanksgiving. They had a small, safe and simple dinner. Afterwards, he sat with the grandkids— all in their 20’s— and handed them all a letter. Each message was unique. He emailed me afterwards and shared an example of one of the letters.  He also gave me permission to share it with you:

Dear Grandson,

In case I have not said this enough, you should know that since the day you were born you have given great joy to Gram and to me. That joy has been, and is, priceless and would be impossible to match. Your fight for respect for all, especially for the challenged, is just one of your many qualities that have given us pride in you, as well as great delight. We hope you will allow us to make a gesture, a token really, in return. So it is with the utmost pleasure that Gram and I offer this gift to you.

And accompanying each of the letters was a monetary gift that rendered the grandkids speechless. As you can imagine, it was a meaningful and emotional moment for everyone. Not only did Joseph get to fulfill this wish in his lifetime, but he was also able to make the gifts on behalf of his late wife.

Isn’t this what we all hope to create: A life well-lived, as well as a legacy for those left behind?

Joseph, I know you are reading this and I want to thank you for allowing me to share your beautiful story with others. I hope your kindness is wildly contagious.