Your Family of Choice
There are only a few clients I still make house calls for and Betsy is one of them. When I pulled into her driveway last week, I noticed her lawn was freshly mowed and she had colorful mums and pumpkins on her front steps. The house looked well taken care of— and I know the credit goes to her neighbors.
We sat for an hour sipping tea and catching up. Betsy rarely complains, but on this day she vented about how disappointed she is that her niece and nephew never call her anymore. Betsy is 90, lives alone, never married and has no children. Her only family left is a niece and a nephew who live across the country. “It’s sad that they never bother with me. I know they’re busy with their own families, but you think they’d at least call on Christmas or my birthday this year. They didn’t. What’s baffling is that they know they’re the only two people in my will— you’d think they’d try a little harder to be nice!”
Although she has no relatives locally, Betsy is blessed to be surrounded by a small community of awesome people. Meg and Mike live across the street. Mike mows Betsy’s lawn every week, and when it snows he shovels her front steps and driveway. His wife Meg decorates Betsy’s front porch seasonally, recently swapping out Betsy’s summer impatiens for fall mums. Soon she’ll bring over a handmade Christmas wreath for Betsy’s front door like she does every year.
George lives next door. Although he’s 80, he’s still very healthy and active— and lucky for Betsy he still drives! He picks Betsy up every Thursday at 11am and they do “The Loop.” First he brings her to the bank drive-thru to withdraw cash for the week. Then they go to the McDonald’s drive thru (Filet-o-Fish and fries for him, a kids Happy Meal with chicken nuggets for her, always Betsy’s treat). Lastly, they pay a visit to the local grocery store to pick up any essentials Betsy needs.
And let’s not forget Pastor Steve. He’s Betsy’s priest. Pastor Steve visits Betsy every Sunday afternoon to bring her Holy Communion, and graciously accepts her envelope with her hand-written check inside. Betsy never misses her weekly offering.
I was sad to hear about Betsy’s niece and nephew’s lack of outreach. But I reminded her of the kindness of her neighbors, how great her house looks on the outside because of Mike and Meg, and the fact that she has fresh groceries inside thanks to George.
“You’re absolutely right. My neighbors are my biggest blessing. I wish I could express to them how much they mean to me. They are more like family than my actual family.”
That’s when I knew it was time for Betsy and I to have a heart-to-heart about her intentions.
Yes, her niece and nephew were named as beneficiaries of her estate— but her feelings and her wishes had changed over the past few years. She started appreciating her “family of choice” more so than her actual relatives. So I said, “This is just an idea, but would you ever consider including some of these other people in your estate plan?”
“What do you mean?” She seemed surprised. “Are you saying I can name neighbors as my beneficiaries? I always thought you were supposed to leave money to family!”
“Betsy, it is totally up to you how your savings, investments and house get left behind in the end. You are not obligated to name family in your will. Of course, many people do. You are free to name anyone or any organization you choose. You get to decide about your ultimate legacy.”
“Then I’d like it very much if we could do that right now.”
She proceeded to talk in great detail about how much each of her neighbors meant to her. She cried when she shared that during Covid, Meg and Mike brought dinner to her front porch every Friday night— always something homemade, and with a kind note attached. They’d ring her doorbell, wave safely from the driveway, and watch while she opened the door to pick up the food. “I know they were probably just making sure I was still alive! But I can’t tell you how much I appreciated their kindness, every single week for a whole year.”
Then she went on to share about how special her weekly car trips with George were, and how she looked forward to putting on nice clothes and sparkly clip-on earrings each Thursday to do The Loop. These people brought real quality to her life.
And so our conversation concluded with a Change of Beneficiary form. Betsy could not bring herself to exclude her niece and nephew, mostly out of respect for her late brother. But she was satisfied leaving 10% to each of them. That left 80% for the others.
Betsy chose to add Meg, Mike, George and her church to her plan—20% each.
Betsy was so joyful as she signed the paperwork making this important change. She hugged me and told me that our conversation was so special, and that she finally felt like her plan was consistent with her wishes.
When was the last time you reviewed your beneficiaries? Are your wishes consistent with your plan?
Like Betsy, you might have a “family of choice.” Or maybe there’s an organization you love, but none of these are currently named in your will.
Your homework for this week is to think about your legacy: Who or what means the most to you? What’s the impact you’d like to have in the end? Decide if perhaps it’s time to update your plan.
Then make that change.
This Week’s Resources
When You’re the #1 Fan
Cheering for our favorite sports teams can be both exciting and disappointing depending on the outcome of the game. This commercial for Shields Health Care sums up fan loyalty in 60 seconds. Click here to learn about Number One Fantitis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU8JENxG8Ho
When the Excitement of the Game Clouds Your Judgement
Speaking of sports, if you watched the Bucs and the Bears on Sunday, you know that Tom Brady threw his 600th touchdown. Teammate Mike Evans was so excited about the touchdown itself, he proudly handed the football to a fan and returned to the bench without realizing the significance of what he had done. Read here for the recap of the play, the giving away of a priceless piece of sports memorabilia, and the negotiation to retrieve it from the fan. Sometimes we let our sports excitement get the best of us! we are gonna need that ball back
And the Winner Is…
As a follow-up to last week’s Wednesday Wisdom regarding pro body-builder Dave Henry, thank you for all your great comments and well-wishes. I’m proud to say that Dave not only took first place in the Master’s Over 40 Category on Friday evening, but he placed first in the overall show as well. Congrats, Dave! #hardworkalwayspaysoff
Disclosure: Securities and investment advisory services offered through registered representatives of MML Investors Services, LLC, Member SIPC. The Jamrog Group is not a subsidiary of MML Investors Services, or its affiliated companies. Supervisory Office: 330 Whitney Ave. Suite 600 Holyoke, MA 01040 Telephone: (413) 539-2000.