Follow Your Own Rules
On Sunday at noon we returned from a Hawaii vacation. We pulled into our driveway after almost 18 hours of travel, ending with a red-eye flight from California to Massachusetts. We were exhausted.
By the time we got home and wheeled in our heavy suitcases in from the car, we were too tired to talk much. All I wanted to do was put on my pajamas and take a nap.
Instead, we immediately emptied all our luggage on the bedroom floor, separated the dirty clothes into piles, and started the first of five batches of laundry. By the time we were ready for bed on Sunday night, all the vacation clothes were folded and put away.
Why, you ask, would we rush to do laundry— especially after such long travel? The answer is simple.
We have a rule: As soon as we return home from any trip, we unpack our bags, put all the toiletries away, get our clothes washed and dried and folded, and return the empty suitcases to the basement until our next trip.
Of course, we could have waited until the next day to deal with the dirty clothes. Or the day after that. In fact, that is what we used to do. But I know from experience that the longer we postpone unpacking, the more annoying it is. That’s why we established the “unpack immediately” rule. It takes all thinking and decision-making out of the equation. And when we wake up the next day after the project is complete, we are always happy it’s done.
Ask yourself: Is there an area in life where you get stuck trying to decide, Do I do this now or not? Can I push this off to tomorrow? Because I just don’t feel like it dealing with it right now. You go back and forth in an argument with yourself, justifying your decision to not follow through as intended.
You could avoid this altogether if you create a rule and stick to it.
Take working out as an example. How many times have you woken up to your early morning alarm with a strong intention of working out, but then just don’t feel like it? So you hit the snooze button. A few times. Then 27 minutes goes by and now it’s too late to work out. That’s when you get mad at yourself for your lack follow through. Again.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
All day we are faced with decisions. This can be exhausting. We spend 25 minutes scrolling through Netflix, Prime Video and HBO Max, only to find we’ve run out of time to watch a show and now we’re ready for bed.
What a waste, right? What if instead you created a rule for yourself?
For example: As a rule, I work out every Monday, Thursday and Friday at 6am. With this rule established, when you get woken by your alarm and it’s a Monday, you don’t even consider hitting the snooze button because— according to your rule—it’s a workout day. There’s no thinking involved, no consideration whether or not you feel like working out. You just do it. It’s Monday, a workout day. Your feelings are not relevant. It’s just the rule.
What if you make a list of movies and series you want to watch, and you keep them organized in an app that you and your spouse can both share. Anytime someone says, “Hey, you should watch Daisy Jones & The Six” you put in in the app. When you sit down at night to watch a program, as a rule, you simply choose something from your already-curated list. There’s no scrolling, no wasted time. Within one minute, you’re ready to settle into Season 4 of Succession.*
When you find yourself stuck in a decision loop, consider that this is a perfect place to create a rule. I have coached a lot of people in this exercise, and these are a few examples of the rules they’ve created for themselves:
As a rule, I grocery shop every Sunday morning. I plan in advance, and I keep the grocery list on the fridge for the family to add what they need all week. They know if it’s not on the list, it’s not coming home with me.
As a rule, I always order the special of the day when we go out to eat. I assume the chef puts extra effort into the specials, so I’m committed to ordering whatever he or she has prepared. I also never need to look at the menu; I know my order and I never second-guess my choice.
As a rule, my wife and I have date night on the first Friday of every month. Our babysitter is booked for the next six months so we have no excuse not to make this happen.
As a rule, we don’t order takeout Sunday - Thursday.
As a rule, I never use my cell phone after 7pm.
As a rule, I don’t drink alcohol.
As a rule, my kids send a written thank you note for any gift received.
As a rule, I give 10% of my income to my church, no matter how big my bonus ends up being.
For each of these personally created rules, it’s crystal clear what the person is committed to. It’s equally clear that without a rule, they could talk themselves out of doing any of these things.
Where do you find yourself stuck in indecision? Where do you negotiate with yourself, justify your lack of commitment, and then are left disappointed or disgusted with yourself again?
Whatever that thing is you struggle with, make a rule for yourself. Follow it. Once and for all, stop your mixed emotions and justifications from throwing you off track.
Rules might feel constricting at first. But once you create and stick to them, you won’t believe the freedom you’ll ultimately experience from this new approach to your life.
This Week’s Resources
*Speaking of Succession…
If you haven’t tuned into this HBOMax series, you’re missing something terrific. The show is about a wealthy family constantly backstabbing one another in an effort to gain power within the family business. Week to week, you’ll never know who you can trust, but you’ll quickly develop a love/hate relationship with all of the characters! Succession just released its last season. As a rule, I never miss an episode.
Transform Your Toilet Expectations
Several friends have told me that the Toto 2000 toilet is a must have for everyone. This past week on our Hawaii vacation, our hotel room happened to have one. I will spare you my own personal commentary, but will instead share this very animated video from the local Honolulu news station demonstrating all of the fancy toilet’s key features. (You never knew how many functions a toilet could handle for you, did you?) Check it out here.
Who Gives a Crap?
Yes, this is one more resource for you pertaining to the topic of toilets, but I think it’s worth sharing. Who Gives A Crap is a non-profit manufacturer of eco-friendly toilet paper. Three friends began the company when they learned that 2.4 billion people don't have access to a toilet. That's roughly 40% of the global population and means that 289,000 children under five die every year from diseases caused by poor water and lack of good sanitation. The company’s solution: to donate 50% of their profits to help build toilets and improve sanitation in developing countries.
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