Hot Topics
We took our family for a long weekend to Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire last month. It was winter in New England, which means very chilly and most definitely snowy. Our plan was to spend time cozied up by the fire, enjoying some great local food, and relax together.
There were seven of us on our trip— including my mom who is 76, my son and his girlfriend who are in their early 20’s, and my niece BB who just turned 11. Kim and I are both in our 50’s.
This wide age range posed a challenge: How do we entertain our eclectic group when we all have such different perspectives and interests?
I posed the question to my son Charlie as I was packing for the weekend. “Should I bring some board games? Or a jigsaw puzzle to work on? What do you think we’re going to do after dinner each night to keep our group entertained?”
Charlie answered without hesitation: “I had assumed we’d play Hot Topics.”
Hot Topics has become a family tradition when we travel. It began years ago at Cape Cod when our extended family would vacation there together. After a long day of sandcastles and swimming, the young kids would get tucked into bed, and the parents and older cousins would hang out, enjoy a nightcap, and participate in “Hot Topics.”
Hot Topics are defined as intriguing (sometimes controversial) questions that are posed to a group to spark discussion. We cover everything from religion and politics, to the bucket list wishes and dreams that each of us have. Sometimes the conversation is organic and the questions flow for hours. Other times, people write anonymous questions on pieces of paper and throw them into a baseball cap that we’d randomly pick from.
I liked Charlie’s idea, but I had to remind him of our weekend guests. “Hot Topics works great when the adults spend time together. But this weekend, we need to choose an activity in which everyone can participate in, including Nana and BB.”
Charlie persisted. “I don’t see why we can’t do Hot Topics with all of us! We’ll just pose questions that are appropriate for everyone to answer.”
That’s when I remembered the box of Conversation Cards I had received for Christmas last year, still unopened. Tucked in a drawer was a small wooden box filled with conversational questions and ice-breaker topics. I packed it in my suitcase for our weekend.
Charlie was 100% right. By eliminating religion and politics from the topics— and instead, picking cards from the Conversation Card box that everyone could answer— we had the most meaningful and insightful discussions on both nights of our trip. Questions included:
What’s your favorite kitchen smell?
If you could have picked your own name, what would it be?
What’s a movie you could watch over and over?
Would you like to live on a boat, on a mountain, or on an island? Why?
What do you like most about yourself?
On our weekend adventure, I was completely surprised by what I learned about my own family. Each person shared things with our group we had never heard before— we even got my 11-year-old niece BB engaged in the discussion! When we wrapped up our first night together and everyone was ready to return to their respective hotel rooms for bed, we all agreed to pick up where we left off and meet up again for Hot Topics the next night.
Got a family trip of your own coming up? Consider leading your people in a conversation about Hot Topics! You can buy some conversation cards to get started (see resources below) or make up your own questions.
We recently did this at a dinner party at our house. There were many people invited who didn’t know each other, and at first the table was quiet except for the clinking of forks on plates. In the silence, someone commented on the dinner and how much they loved Mexican food. Someone else agreed. That’s when I posed two questions to the group: What’s your favorite food, and what food do you despise the most?
For the next hour, the conversation was so entertaining! Who knew people were so opinionated— pro and con— about mayonnaise? And mushrooms? We learned so many fascinating facts about each of our guests, and not just food preferences, but also about their upbringings, cultural backgrounds, and family traditions. Turned out to be the perfect Hot Topic for the evening.
My friend also does this with her teenagers. Sunday dinner at their house is focused on Hot Topics. There’s a glass bowl that sits on the counter, with a little notebook and pen next to it. She and her kids throw questions in the bowl all week, and then on Sunday those questions create their dinner conversation. This method has helped them tackle tough subjects and is the one thing that gets her teen boys consistently engaged in talking. “It only happens once a week,” my friend said, “but given how much the boys are willing to share during this sacred time together, I’ll take it!”
I find that most people really love engaging in a great conversation. Some just need a little encouragement and inspiration to get going. Now you’ve got some prompts to make this happen!
This Month’s Resources & Cool Ideas
Conversation Cards
For an easy way to get started on Hot Topics, check out Lumitory Conversation Cards. They offer Gathering Cards to open general discussions, as well as Legacy Cards to help prompt conversations with elderly folks. Their products are thoughtful and reasonably priced.
Need an Ice Breaker?
Looking for some ideas to break the ice at your next party, at a work event, or at your next family reunion? Here are 25 ice breaker ideas for any group.
And if You Really Want to Ask Some Doozies at Your Next Gathering
When you’re ready to challenge your friends and family to some deep-dive conversations, here are 100 questions to get you started. Write some of these on pieces of paper, toss them into a hat, choose one randomly— and see where the conversation goes!
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